“Dude was smelling my hair while I slept on the couch. Total creep factor 12, dude.”
I hate it when people say “dude” all the time. If Hack wasn’t so brilliant in almost every other way, I would forbid him to speak in my presence.
“It isn’t that bad, Hack. At least he wasn’t smelling your feet.”
He thot about that. Disgust broke out on his face like smallpox. I’m about the only person in the known world, besides our mom, who can get him to stop talking for more than 30 seconds at a time.
Hack & I are twins. He got the brains, I got the looks. Of course, I’m far from being brain dead & no-one would call Hack repulsive. When I say we’re twins, I don’t mean we had the same parents or the same birthday or anything hereditary like that. We grew up in an orphanage together. Mostly we had different foster clones, but once we got lucky. Goddamn! Did we get lucky. After a year with the two of us, Mom decided to adopt us. That’s why we’re twins.
Mom is a Duck. I mean she walks like a … & talks like a … so she must be a . In other words, she is honest to goodness in every way. She won’t do anything she doesn’t believe in. Even more important, she doesn’t expect you to either, even if you don’t agree with her. How many people do you know like that? I mean, how many actually get away with it? Mom says most people try, but it’s hard to fight against the rest of the world. I think Mom gives people too much credit.
“Bro! That is so gross!” Has it been 30 seconds already? “What if he did, tho? Dude, what if he smelled my crotch, too?” The horror!
“Come on, Hack, you know if he smelled your crotch, he never would have made it to your hair.”
Hack leered. You read about leering, but you never actually see it. Even in movies they get it wrong. Hack is the only guy I’ve ever seen do it.
A leer — a real one — isn’t just a salacious smirk or a suggestive grin. Anybody can do those if they practice. (Yeah, I practice facial expressions in a mirror. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have any.) When Hack leers, it’s like everybody in a three-metre radius can feel it. It trickles in thru your eyeballs. Then it oozes past the temporal lobe until it wraps around your medulla. It slides down your spine & grabs your gonads. I’ve seen it thousands of times since we hit puberty & it still makes my testicles twitch.
Oh yeah, you’re probably wondering about my crotch sniffing remark. It’s pheromones. I bet even a straight guy would think about diving in once he got a good whiff. Some old medical texts call our genital glands “orchids”. If you could inhale Hack, you’d know why.
Okay, so I got the looks — I’m pretty, maybe even gorgeous. I’m the one everybody sees first. But Hack is just pure sex. When he gets to you — & he will eventually — by eyes or nose or touch or taste, you won’t want him to let you go. He will, tho. See, Hack doesn’t care much who he has sex with. For him, everyone is beautiful in their own way & fucking is fun. He always comes back to me, tho. We’re twins. We’re in love.
I guess we always have been. Even long before kids are supposed to know what that means, we always felt like two parts of the same person. Sex isn’t even part of it. Well, I mean, it is, of course, but I don’t think it has to be. Like I said, Hack will go with whoever catches his interest. Personally, I could go without altogether (I practice that in the mirror, too). Mostly I do, except for him. None of that matters. We both know we couldn’t live without eachother. Mom knows, too. That’s why she made us brothers.